I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
