12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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