Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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