Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
