If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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