She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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