I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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