I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
