Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
