I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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