Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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