my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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