i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
