Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
