You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize