dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
