Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
