Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
