Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
