Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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