he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
