he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you would pick up someone in the library
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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