I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
