We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
