I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
