Rock
Scissors
Fuck
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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