I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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