i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
