In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
