If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
