Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
