I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
