I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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