Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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