i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
