Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
