haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
