oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
