i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she looked like the before picture.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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