I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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