I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
