So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
