Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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