I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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