Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Jerry, you need to find god
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
