He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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