don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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