My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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