i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
