Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
