You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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