Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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