I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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