And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
