The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
