Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
