We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize