Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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