I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
