So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
