Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
