He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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