worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
