Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
