Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
