I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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