Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
