just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
