I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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