my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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