You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
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Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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