Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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