first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
