can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
