my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
