just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
