If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
