Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
