Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
