At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish you could order shots online.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize