the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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