Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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