Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
